What is Despair Sanctuary?

Despair Sanctuary is a drone metal vigil for all who are weary. It is an opportunity for public grief, where people are invited to express negative emotions. For two hours, a cathedral is given over to darkness and ominous noise, and everyone in it is invited to pull out their grief, rage, hopelessness, or dread  — without the demand that they feel better by the end. While it is hosted by a church, it is a secular vigil, and welcome to people of any faith or none. It features a curated playlist, poetry readings, collective screaming, and live musical performances.

How did it start?

It was started in October 2023 by Jack Holloway, Assistant Minister at Old First. The idea sprang from the convergence of Jack's lifelong appreciation for metal music, along with their scholarship in apocalyptic and lament literature, and their personal experience with depression. In a particularly low moment, Jack put on headphones and listened to drone metal. Relishing the catharsis, they thought, "There ought to be a place for this."

What is "drone metal"?

Drone metal music is defined by heavy distortion, a sense of dread or foreboding, and sustained tones, typically anchored on a single note. Played at extreme volumes in the gothic sanctuary of historic Old First Church, it is an immersive and cathartic experience, designed to facilitate an opportunity for processing hard emotions. 

What is a "secular vigil"?

The word “vigil” means to “keep watch,” or to “stay awake.” As a church service, it comes from the Gospel of Matthew 26:38, where Jesus says to his disciples:  “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” 

The word “secular” comes from the Latin saecularis, which means, “of this world.” It does not mean not-sacred, not-religious, or not-spiritual. It means worldly. Despair Sanctuary is a secular vigil because it centers the experience of this world, and the needs of our physical bodies.